The 30y/o Reoccurring Dream That Keeps Haunting Me.

The first time suicide hit my circle of friends it was in the mid 80s.. This was the first that I have heard anyone ending their life over a female. I wasn’t a diabetic then but my mother was and I knew the hardships of it, tho I didnt know that you could take a fatal dose of insulin and not wake up.

Now I am diabetic and with bigger problem than he EVER had. Having no purpose and feeling hopeless…is this reoccurring dream telling me to take the fatal dose? I dont have a family or a child any longer so why not? I dont have anything else to lose except this piss poor existence.