On this day 2 years ago, the doctors after many tests told me why I was sick. After two biopsies, a surgical disk, and several other measures, they diagnosed me with Lymphoma. Tho it was the THIRD time in life, it was MY final straw.
You see, movies and television romanticize cancer. It’s still heart breaking, you may even see some of the sickness, pain, hair falling out, but there’s no way to describe it the way it actually happens.
I was given the choice of chemo, radiation, both or none. I checked the “none” box. You get tired. No matter how bundled up you are you get chilled to the bone. No matter how much sleep you get, you’re still tired. No matter how much anti nausea meds they give you, you still wanna toss cookies. There’s preggo brain, and then there’s chemo brain. I’ve had both, and chemo brain was so much worse.
A few days later, I changed my mind. Thanks to some pretty damn good people, I felt that need to survive. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see glimes of this girl. The sickly one. The agonized one.
I don’t think I’m brave for seeking treatment. I did what a lot of us do, sought treatment to stay alive. I do hope however to inspire many not to give up. There’s beauty in continuing on. There’s strength in moving forward.
The whole experience changed me. I can say now, I value my life far more than ever. The first two times were so automated. This last one was the real test for me. For some reason, this last time was the one that brought me out of what I had been going thru at the time.
Im grateful for the lessons that it taught me. I’m blessed to see this part of life. So I hope to anyone reading this, look at your future. The past doesn’t count, and your present creates your future. Make it good. Make it bright. 🌟🌟⭐